i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
