It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Alive.
So much puke
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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