I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
