At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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