alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
