His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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