He uses pillows to masturbate.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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