This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
