I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
