there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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