I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
