The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
