They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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