I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My life is pants optional.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
