its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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