watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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