Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
