my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
