Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
