Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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