I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
