How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
