I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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