our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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