Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
