and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We have so much sex to catch up on
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
