I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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