three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my being single is dangerous.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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