Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
