She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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