i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we're so committed to being not committed
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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