Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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