Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
