it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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