she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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