Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
