How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
