Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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