i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
