shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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