so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
