i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
