Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
