I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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