so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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