a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize
