ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
