My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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