It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
