This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
