he puts the penis in happiness.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
