Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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