Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
