She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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